My father’s yahrtzeit and the common-calendar anniversary of his death were both in the last few weeks. On the eve of the anniversary, I attended the last session of a weekly bereavement group at my synagogue. Weeks before, perhaps the second time we’d met, we were asked to think about for what we might want to forgive, or ask forgiveness from, our loved one. I shared some. Not all. Then this morning I saw a call for an essay contest on the subject of mistakes. I likely won’t be submitting, but it inspired me to write, finally, something, about my father’s death…and about the kinds of mistakes that can haunt us, even as greater ones leave us be… Continue reading →

“Do you want me to smooth your hair before you leave?”

It’s a refrain nearly every morning in our house, at least those many mornings when my daughter has not had her hair styled in braids in the last week or two. Given the limited skill of my own hands, and the cost of professional braiding, those braided mornings are few and far between these days. So when my 8-year-old rises, it’s usually in a style from the day before, or the day before that, and one that’s got a certain slept-on fuzziness.

When she says, “Nah, I’ll just wear a headband,” I feel both pride and anxiety welling up in my chest. The fuzzier her look, the prouder I am that she doesn’t care, and the more worried I am that she’s making a risky call. Continue reading →